Liann Seiter and Dr. Maxine Rowley, Marriage Family and Human Development

Marriage in India is a different business. One’s spouse is traditionally selected by one’s family, specifically one’s parents.

I spent two months in a small village in Tamil Nadu, in Southern India. I completed a qualitative study based on interviews and naturalistic observations. After completing some initial interviews I focused on three families in the village with three generations of women alive and living in the village.

I expected to find that the younger generations would be greatly affected by the Western ideas introduced by globalization and media, specifically television. I hypothesized that the younger generations would desire more freedom and want to choose their spouses. I further hypothesized that this would cause tension between the upcoming generation and those older generations.

However, I found that the younger generation was accepting of the traditional form of mate selection. They did not fight against the norms of the community. They recognized the benefits that come with conforming to societies standards. Therefore, I refocused my research on the reasons for continuing the tradition of arranged marriages. I found some of the following reasons for the continuation of arranged marriages.

The first thing that surprised me most was the reputation of free choice marriages, or love marriages, have in the village. A love marriage means that the couple falls in love, disobeys their parents, absconds with their lover to a temple, elopes, and lives apart from the family until they run out of money or resources. It is very scandalous and not the proper way to begin a family. If one of the siblings has a love marriage it is a black mark on the family of origin. The love marriage of an older sibling will make a good match for the younger siblings near impossible. Who would want to associate themselves with such a family?

This reputation also follows the couple wherever they live. Even if they may move to a new village the villagers will recognize that they eloped. Many of the village families will be guarded in how they interact with such a couple. Many couples recognize that in these very conservative villages they must conform to the social norms or pay the consequences.

In India many of the villagers believe that love marriages fail, while arranged marriages are more stable and more likely to succeed. This is not an unwarranted belief. Without the support of family and social support from neighbors marriage would be difficult. Many of my interviewees mentioned the fact that arranged marriages do better as a reason for continuing the tradition.

In Southern India there are strict rules when it comes to marriage. People are to marry within their own caste, or specified social and religious group. Due to this it is necessary to arrange a marriage with a family that is of the same caste and of good standing. The Hindu people also have a strong belief in astrology. Part of arranging a good marriage is checking with an astrologer to make sure the couple will be a good match. Astrology is seen as more of a science among the villagers. If a family is wealthy they will have the astrology checked with more than one astrologer.

“You do not marry a man you marry his whole family.” Is a common saying in India. It is important to please both sides of the family when a couple marries. Most likely in cases of love marriages one or both sides of the extended family will be offended and upset about the union, making life more difficult for a newly married couple. In cases of love marriages a young person does not often consider all of the implications of marriage. They often defer to their parents who are older and wiser. Children often trust their parents because their parents know them, but they also know what is entailed in marriage. Due to these two things they are better able to select a right kind of spouse.

In the United States people tend to value independence and individual freedom. In India interdependency and collectivism are more highly valued. As a child grows they learn to be interdependent with their family. It is expected that individuals will submit their will for the will of the family. While interviewees did not discuss this directly it became apparent as they talked about the distinct family roles and as I observed them interact with each other.

While this was never discussed openly I did find that there is monetary benefit to having an arranged marriage. During a wedding the couple receives lots and lots of money from the family. But, beyond the initial wedding gifts it is an expectation that the wife’s parents will pay for the expenses associated with the birth of the first child. The couple returns to the wife’s family where she stays for five months after the baby is born so her family can help her transition to the role of mother. This kind of financial benefit does not come with unacceptable love marriages.

I am continuing to chart and code the data from my interviews. I am currently writing my honor thesis. I have completed a portion of it and plan to have it finished prior to February. I have presented some of my findings at a conference for Utah’s Association of Family and Consumer Science. I plan to present the rest of my findings this summer at the National Conference for Family and Consumer Science.